Sickipedia

Autopsy just finished on brucie. Official notice is: Bruce Forsyth died of a seizure, nice to seizure, to seizure nice

Did you hear about the mathematician who's afraid of negative numbers? He'll stop at nothing to avoid them

My daughter has Bieber fever. Or, as it's medically known, Down's Syndrome

My favourite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her as she screams and tries to get out of the car.

Why do black women where high heels? So their knuckles don't drag.

Isn't it funny how at school they've replaced blackboards with whiteboards because they work better?

When I was a child, I lay with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit; Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole; Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within; Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without; Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell; Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee; Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

What happened when the ship carrying blue paint and the ship carrying red paint crashed into an island? The sailors were marooned.