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I drank merrily when my wife died. In reflection, it was probably the wrong thing to do. So I put down the mirror and poured myself another whisky.

"Whenever the enemy approaches, draw your sword," my master said to me this morning. I don't know what that solved though. Now, they have my sketch and I'm detained in their custody.

I've written an article on plagiarism. Feel free to share.

"I was happy when my husband lost poker to his mate last night," said Agnes feeling smug. "Why?" The bar man asked with a puzzled look. "It's not everyday that I get fucked by an 8 inch cock."

My girlfriend rang me in the middle of the night. "Can you come to my place?" She said. "I feel like sucking you dry." "It's not possible," I scoffed. "What do I tell my wife?" "Just tell her that I want to suck your cock." She sighed. "You fucking genius!" I replied. "I'll come round in a bit."

Daily mail: Kim Kardashian has explained why she split with Kanye West. In other news, the pope has explained why he is a Catholic.

Daily mail: Kim Kardashian has explained why she split with Kanye West. In other news, the pope has explained why he is a Catholic.

Why did the cat cross the road? It saw Kurt Zouma.

I took a girl back to my place for sex. After a bit of foreplay, I rammed my cock in her vagina with full pleasure. "Jesus Christ!" I burst out. "You have it!" "What?" She asked. "Herpes," I smirked, and continued thrusting.

I took a girl back to my place for sex. After a bit of foreplay, I rammed my cock in her vagina with full pleasure. "Jesus Christ!" I burst out. "You have it!" "What?" She smiled. "A tight pussy?" "No, herpes," I replied, as I carried on thrusting.