Sickipedia

In 5 years there will be no such thing as a baby gender scan. You will need to wait until it's 10 years old for it to tell you if it's a boy, girl or a fucking frying pan.

I bought a book about the dangers of deforestation. The first page says, “You’re not helping!”

I'm taking the Manic Street Preachers around rural England. If they tolerate Diss, then the Chilterns will be next.

Pretty pleased with my first day installing new software for O2, the boss hasn't called so it must be ok.

Sad to hear that the inventor of motorway breaks has died. He will be remembered at a number of services across the country

We've got Derek Hatton back. The motor industry is going down the tubes. The bin men are on strike. The Specials are at number 1. I have a real bad feeling about The Falklands.

NEWS - From today all electric cars will have to emit a noise while traveling below 12 mph That seems fair you need to be going at least 30 mph to really hurt cyclist.

I asked this lady if I could touch her hair. She said "yes." I rubbed my finger across her top lip. That's when the fight started!

A socialist joke is only funny if everyone gets it!

Just been to get a loaf of bread at a cost of £1.03p and gave the grumpy looking girl at the till a £20 note. She said "have you got anything smaller as that would take all my change." I said "no sorry but I can pay on card if that helps?" She sarcastically said " of course it would help" So as a presented my card she said "Cash back?" I said "Yes please!" "How much?" She asked I said "£18.97"