Sickipedia

Tribute concert being hastily arranged for Liam Payne. The following acts have confirmed: Madonna - don't cry for me Argentina Status Quo - down down Bruce Willis - under the boardwalk R Kelly - I believe I can fly Cheryl Cole to cover Another One bites the dust House of Payne - Jump Around

Angela Rayner asking Starmer which house on Downing Street she can have so she can sub-let her current home.

Prince William and Kate release traditional black and white Christmas card. Prince Harry advised not to follow suit.

The pope has died last night. Sadly if he'd popped his clogs on Friday, he would have been back this morning

Colin Gibb from Agadoo no longer pushing pineapple but daisies.

Movie producer whose wife fell from an LA balcony had filed for divorce. I'm guessing he should have let her down more gently.

Looking for work, Jesus heads to the job centre. He explains he's a carpenter by trade and the interviewer informs him there are 2 vacancies, first one is a grand a week working in Manchester, second is ten grand a week working in Jerusalem. He thinks for a while and says he'll take the one in Manchester. The interviewer is incredulous as the one in Jerusalem is ten times the money but Jesus says last time he was there he was hammered with tax. Credit: some bloke in a pub well over 30 years ago

Cause of death of Gene Hackman announced as detectives uncover 84kg of kryptonite in his spare room.

Police reveal Gene Hackman slipped on an onion, his wife choked on a croissant and the dog suffocated by a beret. They are looking into a possible French Connection.

Now that Ten Hag has been sacked, two of the leading candidates are Potter and Frank. In an interview Harry said not even Dumbledore had shown him a spell to turn this one round, whilst Frank was heard to say Make Poverty History, Cheaper Drugs Now and when questioned on tactics he could only come up with Scatter!