Sickipedia

So Prince Andrew has fallen on his sword. Serves him right. Shouldn't have been spying on the primary school before he tripped over his hard on.

My lazy twat of a son has finally done something I approve of: he cut off his leg and turned it into a table lamp. At last he's made something of himself.

I was inspired by the story of the Israeli boy who broke a vase in a museum: instead of punishing him, the museum invited him back for a luxury tour. In tribute to their generous spirit, I popped the cherry of the 14 year old next door and eagerly await the dinner invitation, house tour and their offer of a hard shag with her younger sister.

Still can't believe the Canadian "non-binary" person who wants surgery to have a penis and a vagina. If I wanted to see a dick and a cunt in the same place I'd watch Saturday night takeaway.

Just read about the "non-binary" Canadian who wants taxpayers to fund surgery so that he can have a vagina AND a penis. I would tell him to go fuck himself. Oh, hang on a minute....

I found my missus giving our boy a handjob today, but it's a deeply religious festival. Palm Son Day.

The toothpaste ad I just saw said, "71% of 119 women agreed." What the fuck does 0.6638655495 of a woman look like? Answers on a postcard.

'Look at the tits on that!' 'Wahay 15 love! wahay 30 love! wahay 40 love...' 'Fuck it mate, what are you doing?' 'Sorry, it's part of my condition. I have to keep doing it till I win six times. I'm set in my wahays.'

"You've got the brain of a four year-old child." "Who said that? Groucho Marx?" "No, a Portuguese diver."

Sat down to watch the Coronation, got my cock out ready when Penny Mordaunt appeared.... ....Then Camilla was being crowned. The service finished, but I didn't.