Sickipedia

I was making out with this girl at a club last night when she breathed into my ear. "Do you like blow jobs?" "Yes, I do," I answered. "Will you return the favor?" she said, pointing down at her knickers. "I've never sucked a cock before, to be honest," I said.

My 13 year-old daughter walked into the room and suddenly announced that she was pregnant. "You better be fucking joking!" I shouted. "£13 that condom cost me."

My blind date was half an hour late and I was on my second glass. Eventually, she walked in and said, "I am so sorry I'm late." I said, "That's fine. My next one is on you." "No problem," she smiled. So when the waiter came with my third glass, I threw it over her face and left.

I've just sat down in the restaurant with my wife and ordered the hippo soup. Not sure what I'm gonna have yet.

I helped my girlfriend with dinner last night. Shaved my pubes.

My mum said that being circumcised is perfectly normal. "I know, but there's got to be an better way to do it," I replied, as she approached me with scissors.

I had this sexy girl, flat on her back outside a club last night. We were locking lips, it was getting passionate and hot, then some people started to gather around and watch. To put on a show, I thought I'd slip a few fingers into her fanny while I gently kissed her neck. Her friends looked at each other and said, "I don't think this guy really knows CPR."

I brought a girl back to my place last night. As she took her clothes off, she said. "Can you please turn off the light?" "Shy, are we?" I chuckled. "No, I'm not comfortable with you shining that torch into my fanny," she replied.

A policeman knocked on my door today and said, "Are you Yuri Winston?" "Err yes, what's the problem?" I asked. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to question you further," he said. "That's unnecessary. I really am Yuri Winston," I replied.

A policeman knocked on my door this morning & said, "I'm afraid, I've got some bad news". I said, "Oh you poor thing, come in and I'll help you through it".