Sickipedia

Just saw an advert on TV asking for money because of a drought in East Africa. "Just £3 can feed a child for a week" Thieving Bastards. Get down to Tesco and get a load of their value baked beans and you can feed that nigger for £2 a week.

I have a low sperm count. It was a high sperm count this morning, but then I saw a video of Ellie Simmonds swimming in the paralympics and I've wanked myself dry.

It's International Women's Day and at their annual conference, an English woman got up on the stage to speak: "After last years conference, I went home and told my husband Henry that I am no longer cooking for him" All the crowd applaud. "After the 1st day I saw nothing, after the 2nd day I saw nothing, then after the 3rd day, I saw he made me a 3-course dinner, with wine, washed up and put it all away", Huge applause for her empowerment. Next, a Russian woman got up to speak "After last years conference, I went home and told my husband Ivan that I am not doing his laundry any more" Even more applause for the oppressed post-Soviet woman. "After the 1st day I saw nothing, after the 2nd day I saw nothing and after the 3rd day I saw he had not only washed all the clothes but also dried them and ironed them" Huge applause. Finally a South Africa woman got up. Already huge applause for the post-apartheid black woman. "After last years conference I told my husband Mbekeleli that I was no longer going to pick up his empty tins of beer" A standing ovation for 10 minutes for this black African woman. "After the 1st day I saw nothing, after the 2nd day I saw nothing, then after the 3rd day, I could see a little from my left eye"

Balls, testicles, nuts, plums, conkers, knackers, scrote, marbles... I talk some bollocks I do.

Today is International Womens Day. PERIOD

I drove past a sign that said "Think Bike" So I thought of Katie Price and smashed into a car.

I hate it when us paedo's are labelled as "perverts" For example, I'd never fuck a Paki

Nicola Sturgeon has called for the rugby match between England and Scotland to be replayed as she didn't like the result of the last one.

Fuck me the life expectancy in Scotland must be short. Nicola Sturgeon's "once in a generation" vote to leave the UK means that a generation in Scotland is only 4 years!

As a postman, I read the most heart-wrenching letter from a little girl to the Easter Bunny saying that her mum and dad had no money and how she would never get an Easter Egg. Anyway. There was no money in that one so I sealed it and re-posted it.