Sickipedia

Looks like Las Vegas will be getting a benefit concert

So, how does a blind person know when to stop wiping their arse?

I like my coffee women how i Like my women... Bought into the country in a sack! (nod to apollo17)

Nicola Bulley struggling with alcohol and goes missing at 10am... anyone checked the local Wetherspoons?

Looking at the weather app to check so I just asked Siri: "Surely its not going to rain again today?" It replied, "it is, and don't call me Shirley!" Forgotten to take my phone off Airplane mode!!

Happy Eid Mubarak to all my Muslim friends. Oh hang on a minute, I haven't got any. Whew, that was fucking close.

How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS ...what was the question again?

Apparently, when the royals asked how dark the baby was going to be... what they really meant was, “please god, don’t let it be ginger!”

Apparently the vaccine has a microchip that tracks our whereabouts... oh how I laughed at that one... Siri laughed Alexa Laughed Google Laughed Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates likes this!

Taking a knee in the wake of for George Floyds death is akin to inhaling laughing gas for the holocaust!