Sickipedia

The Queen is visiting a mental home and as they drive through the grounds she says to Phil the Greek. "Oh Philip, what beautiful gardens." As she exits the car next to the main entrance, she spots a man tending a flower bed. She says " Excuse me young man, who is the head gardener here?" " Well maam, I suppose I am, as I'm the only gardener here" He answered. Clearly surprised the Queen said "Really, you did all this alone, could you get Buckingham Palace looking as good as this?" "Yes, in a matter of weeks maam" "Then you should come and work for me, I will pay you double what you earn here" Looking excited the man replies " I'd love to maam but I am actually an inmate here." "My wife had an affair with her doctor and between them and her solicitor brother, they managed to get me wrongly committed" Thinking on her feet, the Queen said "Don't worry, I have considerable power, I will get you released and you shall come and work for me" " Thank you maam, I won't let you down" Several hours later, after touring the facilities, the Queen emerges. Just as she is about to get into the car, a pair of pruning shears hits her squarely on the head. " What the FUCK" she says and turns around quickly to see the gardener wagging his finger at her. "YOU WON'T FORGET WILL YA ? "

Donald Trump formally nominated for a Nobel Prize for 'his tireless work to bring peace to our world' In other news Benny from crossroads gets a doctorate in Physics and Hitler gets a nice guy award.

Irony ? Muslims worldwide are slagging off Israel and all Jews, over the Gaza killings. Every Tesco's in England is full of Paki's. ahem

[Washington Post] King Mswati III of Swaziland proclaims his nation will be henceforth known as eSwatini. He's fed up of being behind Ethiopia on the list for UN food handouts.

For the last 50 years they've laughed at Enoch Powell and his (Ignorant and racist) "Rivers of blood", speech. He who laughs last, laughs longest.

How do you make a straight American eat gay arse? Oh, yeah sorry, I forgot. There are no straight Americans.

I would be able to endure standing behind stinking Paki's and the musty OAP's in the Aldi queue, a bit better if they were forced to give a 10% discount for every minute I had to wait in line. I bet the management would find some fucking checkout staff then! Cunts !

Shandy (Beer flavoured Lemonade) Or Budweiser/ Coors as it's known in America See America, It's not that we drink a lot, it's that we CAN drink.

What do you call 3 poofs in a transit van? The Aids team

I got a massive shock earlier. I came on Sickipedia and there were a few jokes on here.