Sickipedia

What's the difference between a BMW and a hedgehog? The hedgehog has it's pricks on the outside.

I just saw an advert for toilet cleaner that kills all known germs DEAD ... Kills 99% of all germs. Why? I have no intention of eating my fucking dinner off it !

When it comes to bog paper. I Don't care how long it is, or how soft it is, as long as my fingers don't end up in my arse while using it. I'm happy.

How many Jews did it take to screw in a lightbulb? None as it was a bayonet fitting you anti-semite

Why did they bury the Black man on the side of a hill? Cos he was dead, you racist prat !

How do you get a fat bird in bed? Piece of cake.

Write down the lines for the giant in Jack & the Beanstalk in order. Fee, Fi, Fo Fum. Now put them in reverse order. Fum,Fo,Fi,Fee And back in original order and remove the word fum from each line FEE, FI, FO, FO, FI, FEE, FEE, FI ,FO What do you have? Chris Eubanks telephone number. Not exactly topical so I'll get my coat.

'I couldn't help it your honour.' 'It's the provocative way she wore that school satchel' Is apparently, NOT the best defence for kiddy fiddling.

Irony? How Muslims hate pork but the Prophet Mohamed was a bacon.

Apparently, the Prophet Mohamed played the violin when he was a young child. He was an accomplished kiddy fiddler.