Sickipedia

The Grand Tour is so dreadfully shit that they have fired the stig and a tesla to Mars in the hope of finding a new target audience who actually find the three wankers funny.

the Winter Olympics: giving white people a chance to win at sports that no black people can afford to learn.

This Christmas Eve, me and my goth girlfriend are going out at midnight to give our souls to Santa.

since Bake Off started i thought it would be good to get a few innuendos going please continue in comments, I'll start us off: 1. It's all in the wrist action 2. nothing worse than a soggy bottom 3. shove it in and fill it with cream 4. love a pair of nice firm baps with a bit of bounce 5. Q. whats black and lives in the oven? A. Anne Franks ashes. 6. That coffee cake is cold and bitter, just like a leave my women. 7. I wouldn't pay 0.50p for this Tart

The son of a vehicle-hire business owner whose van was used in a terrorist attack in Finsbury Park has allegedly claimed it was a “shame they don’t hire out steamrollers or tanks" the independent

Have you seen the latest celebrity supersize vs superskinny with Mia Khalifa on it? To show what the fat guy eats in a typical month, Dr Christian came out with a table full of 50 plates of chips and kfc buckets , ice creams and stuff and said "you should feel ashamed of yourself for eating this much fatty food in just one month". He then turned to Mia and said "you wouldn't believe what i had to do to get this for the show" Then he whipped off a huge sheet from another table to uncover 40 builders buckets full of spunk.

What do you call it when you stuff a vegetable in to a pair of football boots? Aaron Lennon

An englishman an irishman and scotsman are at the top of the ski jump at tryout for team GB at the olympics. The coach said to focus on what you want the most and then shout it as you start the down run on the slope. The Englishman went first and shouted "MONEYYY" and did a fantastic jump and after landing the head of a famous sports brand company came over and offered him a huge amount of money for sponsorship and advertising. The Scotsman shouted "Glory" and did an amazing jump and beat the world record and got picked for the GB olympic team. Now it was the irishmans turn and he tripped and screamed "shiiiiiiiiiiitt!".. and this joke is so old i will let you figure out the punch line.

Thinking about accents: Australians are like "where's the cahh?" and Aucklanders are more like "where's the cahh?" Afghans are like "allu akbar" and run both the fuckers over. Subcategory: Melbourne Terror Attack

Why did the wombat cross the road? To see its flat mate Subcategory: Melbourne Terror Attack.