Sickipedia

I’ve been swapping labels around on the wife’s spice jars. She may not know anything about it yet but, mark my words — the thyme is cumin.

Being a carnivore, I like to have the whole carcass to get lots of variety: ribs, liver, kidney, and all different types of joint straight off the bone. God, I’m lucky to have a missus that miscarries so often.

I’d just like to thank the person behind the multiple upvoting recently. That the improvement in quality of jokes posted has compelled someone to spend so much of their time creating new accounts to express their appreciation is truly heartwarming. Thank you.

I would like to formally congratulate fellow Sickipedians. The following “joke” by hannah; “I've been emotionally constipated for ages. I haven't given a shit for years!” was buried to -6 in four minutes this morning. A new record. Keep up the good work.

Fenwick’s are relocating their London head office to the Shard.

In the park my girlfriend hates it when I sneak up behind her and thrust my erection into her back. Although, admittedly, the police have said I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

“Phwoor, I wouldn’t mind having a tit-wank off that Barbara Windsor”. “Er, she died ages ago, and her decomposing body will be teeming with worms and maggots”. “I know”.

I got the wife tested for Tourette’s but the results came back negative. Turns out I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.

...but on a more positive note, Weatherfield General’s electricity bill has just been substantially reduced.

My grandfather was killed by a Zulu. He was having a shit in the bogs at Whipsnade and the roof caved in.