Sickipedia

I’ve been swapping labels around on the wife’s spice jars. She may not know anything about it yet but, mark my words — the thyme is cumin.

I’d just like to thank the person behind the multiple upvoting recently. That the improvement in quality of jokes posted has compelled someone to spend so much of their time creating new accounts to express their appreciation is truly heartwarming. Thank you.

Being a carnivore, I like to have the whole carcass to get lots of variety: ribs, liver, kidney, and all different types of joint straight off the bone. God, I’m lucky to have a missus that miscarries so often.

I would like to formally congratulate fellow Sickipedians. The following “joke” by hannah; “I've been emotionally constipated for ages. I haven't given a shit for years!” was buried to -6 in four minutes this morning. A new record. Keep up the good work.

Fenwick’s are relocating their London head office to the Shard.

In the park my girlfriend hates it when I sneak up behind her and thrust my erection into her back. Although, admittedly, the police have said I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.

I got the wife tested for Tourette’s but the results came back negative. Turns out I am a cunt and she does want me to fuck off.

My grandfather was killed by a Zulu. He was having a shit in the bogs at Whipsnade and the roof caved in.

I bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He was fucking furious. (Copyright G Delaney c.2012)

A recently-discovered first draft of Rudyard Kipling's most famous poem reads: "If you can keep your head, while all those around you are losing theirs... it means you're a fuckwit who hasn't quite understood the seriousness of the situation".