Sickipedia

So Taylor Swift is dating an American footballer. I wonder if she lets him score in her tight end?

Say what you want about the explosion at a Tennessee factory that killed 19 people. At least they're hiring.

Experts: To be successful, surround yourself with successful people. So I named my kids Musk, Zuckerberg and Bezos.

It's getting so cold, the flashers in town are handing out written descriptions.

And in financial news . . . Atlantic Feather Company had another down day. United Lettuce closed ahead. Titanic Salvage sank rapidly. Ginsu Knife rose sharply. UK Pencil Company lost a few points. RyanAir went sky high. Huggies Nappies remained unchanged. Cushelle touched a new bottom. And Trump Enterprises hit a new low.

Paedos must love distillery tours. They're constantly told 12 year olds are the best.

My new girlfriend is a dietician. Or as she likes to say, a Middle Manager.

What the pickpockets stole from Arsenal players during their preseason dinner: - 46 condoms - 12 packets of hair gel - 9 combs - 7 business cards for abortion clinics - 6 business cards for escort services - 5 packets of Viagara - 4 grams of coke - 3 shivs - 2 brass knuckles - 1 nipple clamp

I feel for lesbians who want children. They need donors, lawyers, heaps of tests and it costs thousands. And then they have a final decision: "Should I keep it?"

Paddy: I dreamt my daughter was found dead with a needle in her arm. Murphy: I doubt it. Fit birds today inject between their toes.