Sickipedia

Headline! So we now know that England have been drawn with Iran , USA and either Scotland/Wales/Ukraine. As some of the worst places... Ah sorry, just in that's there group for the upcoming World Cup.

What's the worst thing about fu**ing twenty six year olds?? Digging a hole big enough for the bodies

My mate tells me "The Russian forces kill 80 people in a missile attack 😳. This was is getting out of hand." To which I replied "but you have failed to look on the positives!" With the anger bubbling in his face "positives, what f**king positives are there to that?!" Well it was a mosque 🕌

Got up at 5. 30am and walked the dog for an hour Went to work for a 10 hour shift Got home and walked the dog for another hour Finally got in when the wife looked at me and said "that's it, it's either me or the yo yo"

So kicking cats is where most people draw a line.... To which I reply "if you don't draw a line how do you know how far you've kicked them?" 😂

To prepare for the upcoming murder of multiple British cyclists buy industrial chest freezer, there's much less mess when the body is frozen at the time of disposal

Spiders are like black people, not all of them are dangerous.... But seeing that they all look the same to me I don't want them in my bloody house

A break from all the meatloaf.... Boris Johnson is the political equivalent of buying a house on the gaza strip because you like the curtains.

Paddy's working for the railway and his boss say 2 trains are heading towards each other on the same track wat do u do. Paddy's say oid pull the lever and switch tracks. Boss says the lever jammed n paddy say there an emergency one on the track oid run down and pull it. Boss says that ones jammed as well Paddy's say oid phone my brother. Boss says does ur brother work for the railway. N Paddy's say no Boss but he's never saw a train crash.🤣

My Darling Wife told me about her last boyfriend earlier who died. She said I was by his bedside when he said in a weak voice "that there's something I must confess" She said don't worry about it there's nothing you need to confess. But he insisted "No I must die in peace, I'm so sorry but I've had sex with your sister on multiple occasions and last week she informed me that she is having my kid" "I know" she whispered. "That's why I poisoned you, now close your eyes"