Sickipedia

I went into a shoe shop today I bought a pair of tortoiseshell shoes Took me 10 hours to walk out of the shop.

Saw Wasps' wife on a street corner. 'Hello, Mrs. Wasp, what you doing here?' 'I've decided to try Prostitution. So, you fancy business?' Not wanting to be rude I said, 'I would, but I've only got a pound coin' 'That's ok,' She said, 'I've got plenty of change'.

Do you know what I found strange about the Harry and Megan interview? That despite: • Meghan saying there were “several conversations” about “how dark” their baby Archie might be. • Meghan disclosing that she felt suicidal at times • Meghan denying a newspaper story that she made the Duchess of Cambridge cry. • Harry saying his family “literally cut him off financially” • Harry saying his father Prince Charles “stopped taking his calls” • Harry saying his brother and father were “trapped within the system” of the royal family • And the couple confirming they are expecting a baby girl in the summer. They never once mentioned Gary Haggerty. Very odd.

Knock Knock Who's there? Gary Haggerty Gary Haggerty who? Says 99% of people on Sikipedia.

I think there is a lot of people who vote jokes up and down based on who submits them. I think it should be that until you vote, you can't see who has posted it. I got the idea when I went to a blind brothel where you wear a mask and have no idea who is giving you the blow job. I had a surprise as I thought the best blow job I had in the world had been delivered by a gorgeous Rachel Riley lookalike i clocked on the way in, but when I whipped off the mask, I saw it was my Mum. (Thanks Vape.)

I Fucking hate playing Monopoly with Remainers. They keep wanting to carry on throwing the dice until they get the outcome they want.

I'm in a bit of a quandary You see weaverdog has blocked me on Sikipedia I don't know what I have done to offend him I can't ask as he is ignoring me I can explain as I can't speak to him I can't ask his friends as they wont speak to me either So, I ask all of my friends on Sikipedia to answer me one burning question. Is Weaverdog in real life actually my wife?

I was about to fuck this bird and i took off my trousers. 'I'm sorry to say this,' She said, 'But one of your testicles has tinsel around it and twinkly lights and a sprig of holly.' 'Oh, don't worry about that,' I said, 'That's just my Christmas ball.'

I am pissed off that all of you are taking the piss out of Rosie Jones. I think she's really attractive and I asked her out on a date. And do you know what she said? Do you fuckers know what she said? No seriously, do you know what she said, as I couldn't understand a fucking word.

You know when you are in the presence of a total IT Nerd. I had computer glitch today so the geek from IT came down. As he booted up my computer he saw a picture of a big busty woman on my screen. 'I wonder how big she is?' He said 'I don';t know, 38 Double D, 38 Double E maybe.' I said 'No, I was wondering how much memory she was taking up.' He exclaimed.