Sickipedia

Can’t believe I got fired on my very first day as a signwirter.

In bed with the missus last night, I reached over and started fondling her breasts. "Ooh," she giggled. "Trying to get lucky, are you?" "Sure am," I replied. "But I haven't found a lump yet."

Walked past a beggar today. He said, "Any change, mate?” “No,” I said, “I’ve still got a big house and a Porsche." [Reject Dog, original Sicki] (and a nod to Renegade)

They say chameleon’s blend in well, but this smoothie tastes fuckin’ terrible.

Top White House aide confirms, ‘only one term for Donald Trump’ “He’s definitely a cunt” said the unnamed official.

Early US erection news. Melania has just tried to cut off the Donald’s cock. Sadly she missed, but the cops are charging her with a misdewiener.

Autocorrect has just dropped me right in the shit... Now the missus thinks I want to fuck Alan tonight.

What was the last thing Jesus heard before dying? "put his feet together, I've only got 3 nails left"

A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was. I replied, "Mate, it's 2018, you can use any printer you want."

That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to tell the wife to sit on my face.