Sickipedia

London has such a caring community. Ive just seen four homeless people giving each other the COVID vaccine under London Bridge.

So I just got stopped by the police as part of their "Christmas Drink-Driving Campaign" This female copper asked me " How many drinks have you had in the last 24hrs?" Apparently " Not enough to shag you!" was the wrong answer.

Sometimes I call the number on missing dog posters and just bark!

I'm not saying staff at my local Asda are inept, but I've used self checkout twice and I've already been named Employee of the Month!!

A bloke just knocked on my door, he said "Would you like to contribute to the Pakistan floods?" I said "I'd love to but my hose only reaches the bottom of my garden"

Be careful when trying to gently squeeze the pump at the petrol station to take it to £30. I've just missed it and it went to £43.62.

Wet Wet Wet singer Marti Pellow diagnosed with arthritis. He told reporters “I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toes”

Awful day, managed to cut off 2 of my fingers on my right hand. Just asked the doctor if I’ll be able to write again. He said “probably but I wouldn’t count on it”

Just taken a job as Head of Old McDonald’s Farm. I’m now CIEIO

I have been a member of the National Front for over 25 years and not ashamed to admit it. I wear all the badges, I have bought and wear the T-shirts/polo shirts and wear them with pride. I have met the most interesting people from all walks of life and spent many weekends visiting different parts of the country supporting our history and pride in our nation. More people should join so we can show solidarity in our nations history. Edit: The missus has informed me "Its Trust, not Front."