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A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticide. He holds up a box and asks the store manager, “Is this stuff good for beetles?” The manager replies, “No, it’ll kill ’em.”

Is Wayne Rooney gonna keep going with managing Derby County or was it just Colleen having Rebekah Vardy on and it’s gone way too far.

Girls on tinder : 999 notifications. Guys on tinder: 1 notification. Click open “Wow tinder is on fire in your area! Chances of a match is 3x higher" 0 matches.

A boy asked his bitcoin-investing dad for 1 bitcoin for his birthday. Dad: What? $15,554??? $14,354 is a lot of money! What do you need $16,782 for anyway?

I walked in the bedroom to find my wife dead in the bed the other day. Looking at her lifeless there, I decided to have one last go. Right in the middle she opened her eyes and shouted BOO! Honestly, some people are fucking sick in the head.

A Cuddly toy, a television, a microwave, a washing machine, a coffin...

I support Trans people joining the army. That way they can get themselves killed faster.

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard

Just like any other day, Timmy is just playing with some toy trains when suddenly a big flash of light appears. When the flash is gone, he sees a man standing in his room. Looking up, Timmy asks, "who are you?" The man replies, "I'm you from the future, Timmy!" Excited, Timmy asks another question. "Oh boy, what do I grow up to be?" "A pedophile" says older Timmy as he locks the door.

My girlfriend called me a porn addicted, internet obsessing cunt. I almost logged off of Sickipedia.