Sickipedia

Rupert Murdoch may have been scrupulously diligent in protecting his employees’ future, but for their pension schemes it was Robert Maxwell that really went overboard.

It’s curtains for Derek Draper

Russell Brand. I’m not a fan of the cunt, but isn’t the case against him built entirely on a thing in law called “slag’s remorse”?

I used to have a sexy, young girlfriend who was as thick as two short planks. I called her Foxymoron.

The best perk about working as a porter in the sluice room of the local hospital is the squelching sound your cock makes as you thrust it into a bucket of diseased organs collected from the day’s operations.

Seeing Loose Women discussing The Beatles Is like Harvey Price talking us through the latest developments at the Large Hadron Collider. Nod to Jizz

Bernie Ecclestone’s £650m fine will go into the public coffers meaning that every single person in Britain is going to feel £10 richer. I’m going to spend mine on deepfake videos of Tamara Ecclestone in a deepthroat, anal fisting, donkey-gobbling orgy. So what goes around comes around.

I’ve just heard that Eden Hazard’s hung up his boots. I don’t care about his football; it’s stand-up comedy I want the cross-dressing deviant to retire from.

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Government Directive 67812/gfyxb/718: If you like 1970s funk, the outfit responsible for the 1974 instrumental Pick Up the Pieces will now be referred to as The Average Caucasian Band.