Sickipedia

Tempting though it may be to get protection from the searing midday sun I, for one, wouldn’t be seen dead with an umbrella. And yet he was.

Rupert Murdoch may have been scrupulously diligent in protecting his employees’ future, but for their pension schemes it was Robert Maxwell that really went overboard.

Definition of the word ambiguity: Asking Angela Rayner to keep her house in order.

It’s curtains for Derek Draper

I used to have a sexy, young girlfriend who was as thick as two short planks. I called her Foxymoron.

Apparently one of the rescuers in India was from Buenos Aires. There was a bit of a commotion when he greeted each survivor with a portion of a local dish he’d prepared. So a bit of an Argey bhaji then.

The best perk about working as a porter in the sluice room of the local hospital is the squelching sound your cock makes as you thrust it into a bucket of diseased organs collected from the day’s operations.

Seeing Loose Women discussing The Beatles Is like Harvey Price talking us through the latest developments at the Large Hadron Collider. Nod to Jizz

What’s needed now, is a new social media platform to enable deceased American sitcom actors to link up. How about Friends Reunited?

My Jewish paedophile uncle’s in a right mood. 2½ hours outside that primary school, and not one child wanted to buy any sweets off him.