Sickipedia

Andrew, formally known as Prince

Mumble skirt (n.) - A skirt so short, you can see the lips move but you can’t quite hear what the cunt’s saying. (Nod to theancient and wherever I heard the description many years ago).

I hear Nichola Sturgeon has asked to be jailed in a men’s prison.

I’m going to open a Scottish themed strip club. I’m calling it ‘Haggis, Nips and Titties’.

Please note, todays date is 01/01/22 and not 01/01/22 as the USA would like us to believe.

Nicola Sturgeon at her latest Scottish covid briefing - “ I am asking everyone to limit contacts as much as possible, to keep any essential indoor gatherings to a maximum of three households, and to get boosted by the bells.” Sorry, Nicola, but I’m a little reluctant to get “boosted by the bells”, l’ll just get it in my arm like everyone else!!

A BOXING DAY POO You sit upon the toilet With everything prepared You're feeling quite excited but A little bloody scared! That huge amount of Christmas nosh Has turned into a log And now the fateful time has come To flush it down the bog! But first you must expel the beast And so you start to strain, You bite down on a piece of wood To take away the pain But oh my god, its bloody huge It's like you're giving birth! You sweat and push and swear and shake and strain for all your worth. And then that magic moment comes, That fills your soul with cheer, A turd the size of King Kongs arm Emerges from your rear. And like a bomb it hits the pan Thus lightening your mood, And making room inside your guts For lots more Christmas food! Curtesy of Facebook.

Not really a joke, but this should make you laugh (or cry perhaps)! The Scottish Government has bought 20 x Tesla electric cars at £100K each (yes that does make £2M) to ferry the international leaders between the COP26 summit and their digs at Gleneagles. Just one small problem… …Gleneagles doesn't have any charging points and the only ones en route don't fit Teslas. So the Scottish Govt have had to buy a big diesel powered generator to charge them. 🤣🤣 On dear. What a shame. Never mind 🤣🤣

I queued for petrol last night, and when I got to the pump, I became very emotional and started to fill up.

I queued for petrol last night, and when I got to the pump, I became very emotional and started to fill up.