Sickipedia

I heard that the next bond movie they are going to start of the film with bond as a man and thru the film he will gradually turn into a women , They’ve called it cocktopussy...

Pretend to be a giant by walking everywhere on stilts.. for added effect attach a pair of really large trainers from charity shops..

I once dated a magazine collector. She had issues.

When I asked the AA man why my van wouldn't start he said" shit in the fuel filter". I don't really know how that would help but then I'm no mechanic...here goes..

My swimming instructor asked me what my favourite stroke was. Apparently "The one that killed Margaret Thatcher" wasn't the right answer.

a lot of men suffer from premature ejaculation, so much so that the mere thought of let us say a naked la….oh fuck!!.....

I once asked a psychic if I would ever be arrested by the police and she said “no”.. so I ran off with all her money.

I saw an advert on the back of a bus yesterday that said "If you are reading this then so are your customers". I had to laugh as I sell white sticks and guide dogs to blind people.

I’ll tell you what else you don’t see anymore; 1) children in A&E waiting rooms with a saucepan stuck on their head. 2) people in dentists waiting rooms with a handkerchief tied around their heads. and red telephone boxes, not that i missed making a call or owt, it was just convenient to pop into one for a piss on your way home from the pub late at night..

Scientist claim a human sized flea could jump higher than Saint Paul's Cathedral, but surely everyone already knows saint Paul's cant jump.