Sickipedia

The BBC and David Attenborough are filming a new natural history documentary in London Black Planet 2

If Theresa May does Boris Johnson’s divorce, he’ll end up with a huge settlement and still be married afterwards

Stars pay tribute to rapper Mac Miller Like “yeah man he could snort like a pig” and “he used a needle like Harold Shipman”

It has to be difficult for those transgender people. I mean. Where the fuck would you begin to look for size 14 stilettos?

On a date and this girl says to me “you can tell a lot about a man’s sexual desires by his pet. So you have a pet?” “Yes” I replied “a dog” “Oooo! You like doggie style” she replied. “What kind of dog?” “A cockerpoo” I said

Just on holiday and went on a catamaran trip around the island. Anyway. They were messing with the sails and I ended up showing him my chocolate starfish I thought the captain said he wanted some sphincter

Let us remember this day 17 years ago when that tragedy unfolded in the USA For ever to be remembered as American Date Dyslexic Day.

I sent my missus a text “off to Ibiza ex ex ex” “Aw babe. Have a nice time. Did you use voice to text in the car lol xxx” she replied I replied “No I typed it. Thx. I’m leaving you and going with your sister sex sex sex”

I’m not saying I’m lazy or demanding but my missus has wankers cramp and a permanently brown finger

I’ve just booked a holiday on Secret Escapes I’ve no fucking idea where I’m going!