Sickipedia

Surprised me yesterday to see George Michael Funeral on the news ... he died months ago ... We all knew he stopped singing ages ago ... but that did not stop the bugger humming

A man in Melbourne walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy half a head of cabbage. The boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of cabbage. The man was insistent that the boy ask the manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "Some old bastard outside wants to buy half a head of cabbage." As he finished his sentence, he turned around to find that the man had followed and was standing right behind him, so the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy........... "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier, we like people who can think on their feet here, where are you from son?" "New Zealand, sir," the boy replied. Why did you leave New Zealand ?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but prostitutes and rugby players there." "Is that right?" replied the manager, "My wife is from New Zealand!" "Really?" replied the boy, "Who did she play for?"

Well ... that fire has given a whole new meaning to the screaming Abdabs

Spoke person from Cardiff explained the mosque incedent in London as a "Hit for Taff" type of attack.

BBC NEWS "I thought my life was over when the shooting started" ...Woman ... you life was fucking over when you started watching country and western.

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY - (a husbands point of view) The missus bought a Paperback, down Shepton Mallet way, I had a look inside her bag; T'was "fifty shades of grey". Well I just left her to it, And at ten I went to bed. An hour later she appeared; The sight filled me with dread... In her left she held a rope; And in her right a whip! She threw them down upon the floor, And then began to strip. Well fifty years or so ago; I might have had a peek; But Mabel hasn't weathered well; She's eighty four next week!! Watching Mabel bump and grind; Could not have been much grimmer. And things then went from bad to worse; She toppled off her Zimmer! She struggled back upon her feet; A couple minutes later; She put her teeth back in and said I am a dominater !! Now if you knew our Mabel, You'd see just why I spluttered, I'd spent two months in traction For the last complaint I'd uttered. She stood there nude and naked Bent forward just a bit I went to hold her, sensual like and stood on her left t*t! Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out; My god what had I done!? She moaned and groaned then shouted out: "Step on the other one"!! Well readers, I can't tell no more; About what occurred that day. Suffice to say my jet black hair, Turned fifty shades of grey.

I thought I would pass this one on to you all At a local bar in downtown Wakefield.... The owner & bartender, was so sure that he was the strongest man around, that he offered a standing £1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to the patron. Anyone who could squeeze two more drops of juice out of it, would win the money. Many people had tried, over the years: weightlifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody had ever been able to do it. One day, this scrawny little fellow came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He sat down, ordered a glass of draft, & started looking around the bar. After reading the sign on the wall about the lemon challenge, he said in a small voice: "I was just reading your sign, and I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said: "Ok,..." He grabbed a lemon and squeezed the heck out of it...... Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little fellow. But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the guy his £1000, and then asked little man: "Do you mind if I ask what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter, or what?" The little fellow quietly replied: "I work for The Inland Revenue."

Eric Bristow died ... wow it only seems like yesterday he was darting around

Breaking news

Breaking news Polish fans go on the rampage in Russia Police report that 375 cars have been washed and fully valeted