Sickipedia

How do you door-to-door educate someone on weed paraphernalia? Bing Bong Bitch.

Thousands of people die every day. Thats just a statistic. But for some reason when i kill them it’s monstrosity instead.

When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was... "Frayed Sew"!

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Who is the best candy (w)rapper? Eminem!

Why was the Orphans first phone a IphoneX Because it didn’t have a home button.

A policeman arrests a well dressed man in a suit and tie, walking down the Main Street of the city talking on his cell. The man has a desk strapped to his back, complete with laptop, printer and filing cabinet. He has a dustbin on his head. “Hold on councillor, I have a policeman trying to arrest me, and I haven’t got a clue why.” He turns and asks “What are the charges?” “Impersonating an office, Sir”.

Just watching Kante on the ball for Chelsea, which reminds me I have a packet of maltesers in the cupboard for later.

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror. I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost. Absolute cowards.

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together. OMg