Sickipedia

I think I have a bible fetish.... ....I just came to that revelation.

I'm sick to death of my scouse mate, everytime his phone is on 96% he has a minute silence.

A young man robbed a bank wearing a suit made of many mirrors, but he turned himself in after taking some time to reflect. Luckily, the judge was lenient... ...as he saw a lot of himself in the young man.

My friend makes paintings of Eminem combined with other famous rappers. He's a mixed Marshall artist.

On a first date I always talk about obese pet penguin It's a good icebreaker

My dad says we shouldn't reward people with trophies for participation, because it's like a reward for losing. So I took his Vietnam Veteran hat.

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror. I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost. Absolute cowards.

I was putting atoms together for chemistry. Until I put magnesium and oxygen together. OMg

I'm in line for a promotion and huge pay rise at the Ministry of Defence where I work, after finally perfecting the invisibility suit. Well they think I have, I've just not turned up for three weeks.

I bet Hugh Grant be having sex like.....Mmm, yes splendid, ahh indeed. Scrumptious carry on, good heavens I'm arriving.