Sickipedia

I visited a haunted house today, and my friends fled in terror. I've been to this place for the last 271 years and haven't seen a single ghost. Absolute cowards.

Jose Mourinho gets Roma job. His last 6 clubs were: C helsea I nter R eal C helsea U nited S purs

I bet Hugh Grant be having sex like.....Mmm, yes splendid, ahh indeed. Scrumptious carry on, good heavens I'm arriving.

Thousands of people die every day. Thats just a statistic. But for some reason when i kill them it’s monstrosity instead.

Just spent £300 on a limousine and discovered that the fee doesn't include a driver Can't believe I've spent all that money and I have nothing to chauffeur it..

I'm sick to death of my scouse mate, everytime his phone is on 96% he has a minute silence.

How do you door-to-door educate someone on weed paraphernalia? Bing Bong Bitch.

When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was... "Frayed Sew"!

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend asked, "What's the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, that's so easy! F."

Who is the best candy (w)rapper? Eminem!