Sickipedia

I just slipped and went arse over tit crossing the road. Must have been that black ice because when I got up my wallet was gone.

Took the kids to feed the ducks today. Turns out ducks don't like the taste of kids.

The wife was in court today for mooning Simon Cowell, The witnesses couldn't agree which was the biggest arsehole.

Irish feller goes in a shoe shop buys himself a pair of tortoise shell shoes. Took him 4 hours to walk out the shop. Feller goes into the chemist says " have you got any condoms that big" Chemists says " that would only fit a mouse " He says I know the Fucking house is over run with them. RIP Bernard Manning.

We had noticed a rancid smell and hadn't seen the old woman from next door for weeks. " go and have a look through the letterbox" the wife said. With some trepidation I slowly went up and had a look and a sniff thought the letterbox. It was then our worst fears were confirmed... pakis had moved in.

Over the Fucking moon 500 times in a row I have took first place at the annual world's biggest bull shitter awards. If I win next year I will match my previous world record.

We had noticed a rancid smell and hadn't seen the old woman from next door for weeks. " go and have a look through the letterbox" the wife said. Bravely I went up and had a look-see a sniff, our worst fears were confirmed... pakis had moved in.

At last I am ready for all the trick or treaters tonight. I must say it's been a nightmare wrapping up all this cat shit.

Just for fun let's get a referendum on kicking Muslim's out the UK: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/192258/sponsors/NXQwMfVzlnnKEHQa7hOP

When I was young I was told if you touch yourself down there god is watching. Turns out it was just uncle Frank.