Sickipedia

It's is so sad this site is now apparently moderated by mumsnet, The sick jokes are deleted immediately, and the junior school level carry on type jokes are found to be hilarious. My respects to weaver dog and Kim young you have both cracked off some blinders. To the mods, Gary haggarty memes well snitches get stitches. To All the Belfast boys having your arse sewn up after a Gary bumming does not count. Anyway check out the other sick sites USA - punchline, she/he farted Muslim punchline, so I blew them up. Jew punchline, so I over charged them and complained to the rest of the world. Paki punchline, so I just wobbled my head got twated in the face and the English government gave me house and 36 million in compensation.

Not only will America come to your country and kill all your people. They will return 20 years later and make a movie about how killing your people, made their soldiers feel sad.

A big thank you from my great grandad, reading the jokes on here reminded the demented old fucker of when he was in nursery.

Just for fun let's get a referendum on kicking Muslim's out the UK: https://petition.parliament.uk/petitions/192258/sponsors/NXQwMfVzlnnKEHQa7hOP

Over the Fucking moon 500 times in a row I have took first place at the annual world's biggest bull shitter awards. If I win next year I will match my previous world record.

I received a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend this morning who called 'out-of-the-blue' to see if I was still around. We lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic times we used to enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "old magic". "Wow!" I was flabbergasted. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now", I said, "I'm a bit older and a bit greyer and balder than when you last saw me. Plus I don't really have the energy I used to have." She just giggled and said she was sure I would "rise to the challenge". "Yeah." I said. "Just so long as you don't mind a waistline that's a few inches wider these days! Not to mention my total lack of muscle tone...everything is sagging, my teeth are a bit yellowed and I am developing jowls like a Great Dane!" She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me saying that tubby, gray haired, older men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a great lover. Anyway, she giggled and said, "I've put on a few pounds myself!" So I told her to fuck off.

What dies the average Paki weigh? Sweets.

A man wakes up in the hospital, bandaged from head to foot. The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a pile-up on the motorway. You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, but... Something happened. I'm trying to break this gently, but the fact is, your willy was chopped off in the wreck and we were unable to find it." The man groans, but the doctor goes on, "You've got £9,000 in insurance compensation coming and we have the technology now to build you a new willy that will work as well as your old one did - better in fact! But the thing is, it doesn't come cheap. It's £1,000 an inch." The man perks up at this. "So," the doctor says, "It's for you to decide how many inches you want. But it's something you'd better discuss with your wife. I mean, if you had a five inch one before, and you decide to go for a nine incher, she might be a bit put out. But if you had a nine inch one before, and you decide only to invest in a five incher this time, she might be disappointed. So it's important that she plays a role in helping you make the decision." The man agrees to talk with his wife. The doctor comes back the next day. "So," says the doctor, "have you spoken with your wife?" "I have," says the man. "And what is the decision?" asks the doctor. "We're having granite worktops"

Life is like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long if your fat.

Was sat in my garden this afternoon when those gypsy bastard sticks his head over and shouts " oy do want your shed retarred?" I shouted back no I fucking don't. So he fucking took it.