Sickipedia

So at a Zoom Meeting, my boss asked me why I had a bandage on my hand. Perhaps I gave him the worst reply ever. "When I was coming home from the pub last night, some cunt trod on my fingers."

My feelings about a Labour Government mirror those of a very powerful fart. In the first part, you feel really enthusiastic about the relief, until. ...

Make it cheaper than Aldi homemade cottage cheese by peeing into a milk bottle and leaving it overnight. Don't forget to smash that Like button and subscribe for more life hacks...

I'm gonna watch Mississippi Burning tonight. I couldn't resist the part on Amazon Prime where it said titles expiring in the next 30 days. I think you'll find Gene Hackman ... Too soon?

So in the lead-up to the football tonight, I've been investigating how the USA managed to get a draw in their England match. I've watched US Soccer Moms 1-5 and I still haven't seen them do anything football related. Go figure ...

Rudy Giuliani's press conference at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, between a dildo store and a crematorium, was somewhat ominous because now Rudy is somewhere between fucked and dead.

I saw this young woman, at the bus stop, with her nose in her phone. I wanted to check her smartness, so I asked her if she could spell "me", without her phone. She glared at me and said "M-E". I said, you forgot the "D". She said "There's no D in ME". And now, I'm explaining this to the police ...

So last week, my girlfriend said she wanted to set some boundaries regarding what we could do. This week, she says she just wants to be friends. So here’s me thinking that that doll with added realism was a complete waste of money.

I was a bit naughty and had a poo in the office elevator today. And before you ask, the answer is "Yes, I took that shit to another level."

Does President Xi sign his emails with his pronouns? It must be as confusing as fuck to read. Same thing for the CEO of Hershey ...