Sickipedia

Just watching the Welsh countdown... "I'll have a consonant please Gwyn, and another consonant, and a consonant, and six more consonants please.

I remember watching Blue Peter and pulling on my mum's hand asking, "Mummy, mummy, mummy, when will the washing up liquid bottle be empty?" ...And she'd be all like, "Go and get a job Michael, you're 18."

I've just taken my son's shitty nappy off... Not sure why I tried it on in the first place.

My wife came home early last night and caught me licking her mum out... I was that embarrassed I almost dropped the urn.

Holy Smokes! The local vicar's just been caught selling cheap cigarettes.

I bumped into an old flame today, she hasn't aged since she left school... 45 minutes ago.

My wife walked in on me wearing her clothes this morning... Neither of us were that surprised... Why wouldn't she be wearing her clothes.

Witnesses described hearing a horrible deafening noise coming from the Ariana Grande concert at the Manchester Arena this evening... Then it stopped and there was an explosion.

I was watching the coverage of the Ariana Grande fiasco last night, it was painful viewing with all of those young teenage girls crying and screaming... So I shut the basement door and turned the tv up!

I took some advice recently and decided not to put all my eggs in one basket... I looked like a right silly cunt walking around Tesco.