Sickipedia

River beach in Caloundra was REALLY crowded with lots of kids splashing about and having fun. My mate was getting annoyed that a really feral group were drifting too close and the nearby Mum was ignoring the issue. Instead of getting upset or angry he simply stared straight ahead, grinning, and announced to the Mum: "Guess what I'm doing." ... cleared the beach.

I've been trying to find my arch enemy from back in high school. I wanted to say sorry for all the mean and horrible things I did to him back then. Trouble is, I can't remember where I buried him.

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and he has to buy a fiberglass rod, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tacklebox, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20-pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and a LOT of beer.

Since moving in, I get quite a few of those religious types knocking on the door each week. I used to invite them inside but I really can't any more. The holding pen downstairs is getting rather crowded and cat food isn't getting any cheaper.

Ever since I started taking art classes I've really taken an interest in the human body. The curves and lines of the muscles, bone structure and fine lines in the skin. Mostly though its the way that human body is starting to smell out the lounge room.

I've discovered that there are some women in this world who don't like it when you jizz on their tits. For example, those two that are sitting on the bus with their kids.

Mum and I are getting along a lot better these days. There was a lot of tension for a long time between us but that seems to be behind us now. I can understand her point of view though, as having a forty-six year old stranger move in and start calling you Mum takes a bit of getting used to.

Yesterday's job interview didn't go so well when they said I had a weird personality. That's OK, I've got five more.

Thirty years ago when I was a little kid I wanted Mum to get me a pet snake. She said "No way, Forget it", so I thought I would get one anyway when I moved out of home. That will be any day now, I can just feel it.

I walked up to a random Ginger bloke today and asked him, "If you had 7 girls mobile numbers in one pocket and 8 girls mobile numbers in another, what would you have?" "I would have 15 girls mobile numbers," he replied. I said, "Wrong, you would obviously have somebody else's trousers on you Ginger prick”