Sickipedia

Me: I’m sorry for writing fake dialogue of us on Facebook. Wife: *spoon feeding me caviar* Well at least you have a big dick.

The Sun: Liverpool release new yellow and red third kit, as fans joke it looks like something out of McDonald’s. McDonald’s have responded by dropping the price of the double cheeseburger to 96p.

Manchester City have pulled out faster than I did when my sister told me she wasn’t on the pill

11:38 - Arrived at crime scene. 11:38 - Examined body. Signs of a struggle. 11:38 - Found murder weapon in drain. 11:38 - Realised watch was broken.

Have you ever hated someone so much, that you hope they get hit by a bus full of necrophiliacs, so that death is only the beginning of their bad day?

Got to love soccer aid. When celebrities say shit like “if you can afford sushi, you can afford to donate £40”. Why are these assholes playing and commentating when they can afford to donate money? Personally I think Unicef would get more cash, if the likes of Usain Bolt donated a couple million, and instead we got to watch one legged down syndromes play a game.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, Do you have any last requests? Yes, replies the murderer. Can you please hold my hand?

What really pisses me off, is people who post stuff on here under random categories, that have nothing to do with the post whatsoever.

A priest, an imam and a rabbit entered a clinic to donate blood. The nurse asked the rabbit, What’s your blood type? I’m probably a type O.

The Sun: Man, 25, dies after ‘using glue to seal his penis shut instead of a condom’. Carlsberg don’t do mongs. But if they did…