Sickipedia

“Rolling Stones to retire song ‘brown sugar’ as it offends niggers.” ‘Gimme Shelter’ offends tramps, ‘can’t you hear me knocking’ offends deaf cunts, etc. Feel free to add your own in the comments

Got to love soccer aid. When celebrities say shit like “if you can afford sushi, you can afford to donate £40”. Why are these assholes playing and commentating when they can afford to donate money? Personally I think Unicef would get more cash, if the likes of Usain Bolt donated a couple million, and instead we got to watch one legged down syndromes play a game.

Have you ever hated someone so much, that you hope they get hit by a bus full of necrophiliacs, so that death is only the beginning of their bad day?

I think the real question is this… Which one of you cunts is Putin?

The Sun: Liverpool release new yellow and red third kit, as fans joke it looks like something out of McDonald’s. McDonald’s have responded by dropping the price of the double cheeseburger to 96p.

Watching Gogglebox, Pete and his fat sister Sophie are watching Game of Talents starring Vernon Kay. Sophie: “He’s my second favourite Kay after Peter.” Maybe your first favourite should be Special K you pig

During a family trip to the therapist, we were asked to be honest with each other. Me: I love sucking cock. Son: I love bouncing on cock. Therapist: that’s a lot of info to take in. Doesn’t anybody like fanny? Wife: yeah, me.

I’m a dyslexic scouser. Remember the 69

Madeleine McCanns 18 year old sister Amelie has been spotted on tv for the first time in 16 years. Shes fit as fuck. Id deffo ruin her arse and fanny. Like I did to Maddie.

Mirror - Police heartbreakingly list milestones little Olivia, 9, won't reach in emotional appeal. PC Lee Tatton spoke from prison. She won’t give her first blowy, receive her first anal, first rimjob…