Sickipedia

A train hits a bus load of Catholic school girls and they all perish. Eventually they are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter. St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary, have you ever had any contact with a penis? She giggles and shyly replies, "Well I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger. St. Peter says, "Well, dip the tip of your finger in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Jennifer have you ever had any contact with a penis? The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Then dip your whole hand in The Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls, one girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says, "Lisa! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle with that Holy Water, I want to do it before Tiffany sticks her arse in it"...

Got sad news today. After seven years of medical training, my good friend has been struck off after one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients & now can no longer work in the job he loves. What a waste of training & money. A genuinely nice guy and a brilliant vet.

Anyone noticed how much easier it is to quickly fast forward through all the adverts in your recordings without missing the start of your programme? It's sooooo easy, just stop as soon as the black faces disappear! 🤦🏿‍♂️

A starving immigrant lands on a Dover beach, whereupon he is greeted by a fairy godmother who grants him 3 wishes.  Wish number 1 is easy; "I want food." he says.  POW..... A massive banquet appears before him.  Whilst gorging himself he says for his 2nd wish he "wants a big house".  POW....... A huge 3 storey mansion with a swimming pool appears on the other side of the road. For his 3rd wish he asks "to be British".  POW...... Everything disappears!  "Where did it all go?" he demands.  The fairy godmother replies; "You're British now, you're entitled to Fuck All!"

So they're removing Social Distancing rules in Wales, so it's not longer a legal requirement to stay over 2 metres away from any Welsh people. Although, despite the reduction of riskes from Covid, you may still want to give them a wide berth - they are still Welsh, after all!

So they're removing Social Distancing rules in Wales, so it's not longer a legal requirement to stay over 2 metres away from any Welsh people. Although, despite the reduction of risks from Covid, you may still want to give them a wide berth - they are still Welsh, after all!

So the Guardian Newspaper had two black teenagers awaiting their A-level results on its front page yesterday. It's the worst lack of diversity I've ever witnessed; Nowhere in the article did the reporter mention that they were disabled lesbians, struggling with their mental health issues!

An Afghan refugee got a place in Reading FC, in his first match he scored a hat-trick. After the match he excitedly tried to get through on the phone to tell his mother his news. On hearing his news his mother said "that's wonderful son, but let me tell you about my day. I sent your sister to the market to try & find some food & your brother went with her for protection. Just after they left the house, Islamic Terrorists caught them, they gang raped your sister & broke your brother's leg & stole all our money." "I'm so sorry mum" the young footballer said. "You're sorry?", his mum replied. "It's your fault we moved to Reading in the first place!"

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man its £2.50/min (charges may vary)

What's the ultimate vision of failure? A 40 year old waiting at a bus stop.