Sickipedia

When your neighbour sees you washing your car and says, "Haha, you can do mine next, " tell him to do it himself as it's bad enough you have to shag his wife for him.

So glad the golf courses are opening again. I can take my dog for a proper shit now.

Even the government have been affected by the exam result fiasco. Dominic Raab has been downgraded to Dominic Rbbb.

Just to let you know I had the Russian Covid19 vaccination yesterday and I can honestly tell you there are absolutely no negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki Кто может это прочитать Обожаю Владимира Путина!

The UK C.E.O of McDonald's has been fired. Putting his meat between the wrong buns apparently.

I love these lockdown laws. It's great being able to walk the streets shouting at groups of Pakis, "Why don't you fuck off home?"

Because of Thomas Cook I'm now stranded on this fucking godforsaken shit hole of an Island for the foreseeable future. And to make matters worse I'm in Birmingham.

I have a very sick little girl at home. She's only eleven but loves taking it up the shitter.

So £100 million has been given by the BBC to make more diversity programmes. Wow, crimewatch will be able to feature three different niggers on every show.

My missus said to me on our 50th wedding anniversary, "I'd sure like you to do what you did on our wedding day. " "I won't be able to, " I replied, "that bridesmaid died last year. "