Sickipedia

After recent political events, Cliff Richard has re-released his 1979 hit, "Cartie doesn't live here anymore"

With England beating Germany 2-0, will Angela Merkel make their team quarantine for 14 days?

Why soes Batman only cover half his face? So everyone knows he's white!

Roysl Conundrum EIGGNR Meghan: "That's your name" Harry: "Yours too"

The German team already have towels on the seats on the plane home

Walking round our market today, there was a stall selling eggs that were cubed and a good six inch across "Holy crap!" I exclaimed. "Are these for real?" "Certainly are" replied the vendor. "Every day, my hen Gertie lays two of these bad boys, three yolks in each and they're absolutely delicious." "Wow, that's amazing" I said. "Aye, it is. But that's not the best bit" he told me. "She actually speaks while she's laying 'em" "No way!!" I gasped. "What does she say?" "GNNNNNNYAAAAARGH!!!!"

"Time is a construct of man, a means of adding value and structure to a chaotic universe, it serves no real purpose, it's endless and infinite, unfathomable and subjective" " "You're still bloody late" replied my boss

Chav's always name their children after stuff they can't afford; Mercedes, Bentley, Ruby, Child Support

A man boards a plane with six kids. Once he's settled them in a woman leans over and asks, "are they all yours?" He replies, "no, I work for a condom factory and these are all customer's complaints."

Last night my wife wore a police uniform in bed and said, "you've been arrested for being good in bed!" 90 seconds later the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence