Sickipedia

The police came to my mates door today holding a picture of his wife. 'Is this your wife sir' the copper asked. 'yes' he answered. I'm afraid it looks like she's been run over by a bus' said the copper 'I know' he said 'but she takes it up the arse and she's very good with the kids'

Two ladies knitting baby clothes One says to the other what you expecting a boy or a girl? I hope it's a cripple was the reply, I've made a right fuck up of this sleeve.

Don't cry 4-3 Argentina

I'm not a racist. Racism is a crime and crime is for black people.

I'm having an 'African' party tonight. There won't be any food and the drinks will be a 3 hour walk away.

Dear Deirdre, As it was a really nice sunny day I decided to take a walk round my garden. I happened to look over the fence and saw my next door neighbour's 12 year old daughter sunbathing in the nude. Naturally I got my cock out and had a wank, but just as I shot my load all over the fence I spotted my wife watching me from our bedroom window. Deirdre, do you think my wife might be a pervert?

An old lady goes to the dentist, drops her panties then sits down and lifts and spreads her legs. The dentist says, 'I'm not a gynecologist, i'm a dentist!' She says 'I know, that's why I'm here, I need my husband's teeth back!'

When you're dead you don't know you're dead, it's others who feel the pain. It's the same if you're stupid.

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Cocaine Baby