Sickipedia

cliff richard came home from school. "Whats for tea dad? Soup. " is it heinz? No. " is it campbells? No. " is it crosse and blackwell? No,# Son youre having barchelors boy # !!!!!!!

Maradona arrives at the pearly gates. St Peter says " GOD is waiting, HE wants His hand back"

Once upon a time there lived a German named Hans. Every weekday morning he would go fishing. After catching a fish he would smack it against a rock to make sure it was dead. Then in the afternoon , he would do his main work as a school health visitor. His speciality was curing acne using milk. Hence the song # Now Hans who kills fishes can heal spots on your face with some white cream dairy liquid !!#

man walks into pub and asks barman " Are you up for a challenge? i will order 3 sets of drinks. Each set has a film connection. Get all 3 correct and i will pay double the bill BUT if you fail i get them all for no cost. Barman accepts challenge. OK says customer. 1. Vodka martini, shaken not stirred. 2. Treble whisky, double whisky and another treble whisky. 3. Six small glasses of gin. Barman pours all drinks as ordered. Right he says. 1 is James Bond 2 is whisky gslore but 3 is tricky. He asks his regulars but no one knows. So customer wins and all dtinks are free. After downing 1 and 2 the barman asks whats 3? Customer says " Mary Poppins. What ??? Customer says listen. He picks up and drinks all 6 in turn singing " Gin Gin for free , Gin Gin for free Gin Gin foe free !!!!!

Have you noticed? Drivers of hearses never overtake. In fact they do quite the opposite !!!!

sat navs voiced by singers.DO NOT USE the following..... Elvis ( youll end up in the Getto) Bonnie Tyler ( lost in France) Chris Rea ( on the road to nowhere) Harry Styles , Zayn Malik and mates ( will send you in just One Direction ) Gene Pitney ( no matter where he sends you , it will still be 24 hours from Tulsa ) feel free to add your own !!

which letter of the alphabet is schizophrenic ? W

A few years ago , after the royal variety show , the Queen was meeting the acts backstage. She was introduced to the Krankies. " Who are you?" The reply came " I'm Ian,ma am and this is my wife Jeanette , J for short !!! "

A champion limbo dancer was arrested for snatching an old ladies handbag . How could he stoop so low ??

# Yorkshire house everyday Pick up a tin of beans And say..............HOW MUCH????????