Sickipedia

My teacher told me guns kill people I told her my pencil failed my A levels

I keep a picture of my wife in the front of my wallet, so I can remember why there's no money in it.

I'm so white, during the riots I went out and bought a television

My wife said she's leaving me cuz I keep exaggerating! I was so shocked I nearly tripped over my cock

Never compliment a woman's mustache, no matter how epic it is!

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Cuz the p Is silent

A German walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him : "20 euros!" The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !" "Well, today it is 20 euros." \- "But why 20, damn it?" Bar tender : "I'll explain it, \-3 euros is beer,r> \-3 to help Ukraine, \-4 assistance to European countries who have imposed sanctions and are not members of the EU. \-4 euros in aid to the UK, for successful implementation of sanctions against Russia. \-Then 3 euros are sent to the Balkan countries as aid to buy furnace coal. \- and finally, 3 euros for a gas subsidy for the EU and fund to help maintain sanctions!" The German silently took out the money and gave the bartender 20 euros. The bartender took them, entered in the cash register and gave him 3 euros back. German in disbelief : "Wait, you said 20 euros, right ? I gave you 20, why are you giving me back 3 euros?" "Ahh... We have no beer!"

My girlfriend asked me "Where is the TV remote?" I said "Liverpool" She was like: "What are you talking about?" I replied: "On top of the table"

Isn't it ironic that Jesus was a carpenter, a job that you're most ikely to shout his name?

Seems to me sikipedia have gone from the jimmy Hendrix of dark humour to more like the Millie vanilley of cracker jokes.