Sickipedia

The last time I see a fence this damaged, it had 96 liverpool fans crushed up against it

Is it a coincidence that most things are stolen when it's dark?

This 2 metre social distancing will be easy for me, I've been keeping 150 metres from children for years now.

I bet the Fritzl kids would give anything to be back in that basement now!

The lack of social distancing in Liverpool after winning the Premier League is surprising considering there excellent history of crowd control.

My cocks like a solar panel... it only works when the sons on it...

Liverpool start their defence of the Premier League this week...makes a change from defending nonces and racists.

A blind son came home one day and his Dad says "where have you been?" "I was with Samantha" he replied. "What were you doing?" "We were studying." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely Dad." Dad replies "wash your hands son, there fucking donuts!"

Rishi Sunak must be the first paki in history to be giving money away.

Apparently Meat Loaf died in a car accident. When asked how fast he was travelling, the Police Officer responded "Like a bat out of hell".