Sickipedia

Someone said to me earlier "how can you vote for Nigel Farage, he's racist" i said "how can he be racist, his names an anagram of A Nigger Fela"

Is it a bird, is it a payne...

Felt bad today, as I was walking past a young girl, I turned to my friend and said "she'll be alright when she's older" , unfortunately her Mum heard me and as she turned in disbelief the girl fell out her push chair.

In support of Ukraine, I'll be having Chicken Kiev's for Tea tonight.

Apparently Meat Loaf died in a car accident. When asked how fast he was travelling, the Police Officer responded "Like a bat out of hell".

Rishi Sunak must be the first paki in history to be giving money away.

A blind son came home one day and his Dad says "where have you been?" "I was with Samantha" he replied. "What were you doing?" "We were studying." After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely Dad." Dad replies "wash your hands son, there fucking donuts!"

Liverpool start their defence of the Premier League this week...makes a change from defending nonces and racists.

I took a girl home last night and half way through having sex she went down stairs to make a drink. I took this opportunity to look through her wardrobe where I found a nurses outfit, a police womans costume and a maids outfit. I jumped out of bed got changed and went to leave. She asked "why are you leaving?" I responded "Sorry, I can't be with a woman who can't hold down a job!"

My cocks like a solar panel... it only works when the sons on it...