Sickipedia

Q- Why do shower heads have 11 holes? A- Because Jews only have 10 fingers.

I'm putting off my laser eye surgery until next year, just so i can say i got 2020 vision.

[ First day as a news anchor ] Me : {trying not to laugh reading report about a man getting kicked by a horse} he's said to be in a stable condition.

Me: I'd like to donate some fun sauce. Sperm Bank Receptionist : {Sighs} is this your first time? Me: No, I jack my dick off all the time

Just seen on the news the governments new motorway cameras, that can not only detect speeding, but also, eating, using your phone and even smoking behind the wheel. Thats not really fair is it? we all do stuff we regret when we are drunk!

First Date: Her: Lets exchange numbers. Me: Wont that confuse people who are trying to call us?

whoever came up with the name Spelunking should be allowed to name more things!

Any Mods on 2day? Get onto twitter and search Bob Kostic ( @causticbob ) Every single joke that gets published on here appears on his timeline 2mins after! hes got over 200K followers as a result. If your reading this Bob, give the credit please!!!

{ first day as a mechanic } Customer: Can i get a quote? Me: give me liberty or give me death! Customer: i meant for the truck Me: oh sorry... Autobots, roll out.

Jesus, it's 12 weeks until Pancake day and the shops are already selling eggs and flour. Getting earlier every year!