Sickipedia

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram Son: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan

Can anyone remember the name of that big bird on Sesame Street?

Boy to dad - Why do they say gardeners have got 'green fingers' when their fingers aren't green ? Dad to boy - It's just a saying. It's like when someone is caught stealing something, they say that they've been caught 'red-handed', even though their hands are actually black. (i've been informed this joke has been posted before. Apologies, i didn't realise)

Steven Hawking came back from his first date in 10 years. His Glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, twisted ankle and grazed knees. Apparently she stood him up.

I saw a sign saying 'BGAN' I thought, 'well that's just BANG out of order !!!'

What do you get if you cross a motorway with a fridge? Killed.

Just seen a French footballer playing on a Nintendo. It was Thierry on Wii.................

I went to bed with a blind girl last night. She said I had the biggest cock she's ever laid her hands on. I said, 'You're pulling my leg !!!'

I've been asked to take some photos at Archers Distillery. Hopefully i'll get some good schnapps........

I used to be a member of the secret cooking society. They kicked me out for spilling the beans.