Sickipedia

If you kill yourself , it's called suicide .If you kill someone , it's called homicide .If you kill thousands , it's called genocide .If you kill the King , it's called regicide .If you kill your brother , it's called fratricide .And , if you have 2 Premier League teams , and neither have won the League for over 20 years , it's called Merseyside .

"G'Day mate, Aussie help line here..........What's the problem,.... Cobber?" "I'm in Darwin with my Sheila and she's been stung on the minge by a wasp, and now her pussy has completely closed up." "Bummer, mate...!!!" "Thanks mate, I hadn't thought of that. Bye."

-What do we want? - More Acronyms - When do we want them? -ASAP

I saw a man with a trolley full of horseshoes and rabbits' feet earlier, trying to get it up a hill.I thought, "He's pushing his luck."

I was listening to the same song at work today. My colleague, who was right next to me said, "Quickly change the fucking track!" I asked, "Why?" He said, "Because if you don't, those two trains will collide."

Can anyone help me with my Easter crossword puzzle? 2 across. "Where they nailed Jesus."

On the label it says "please drink responsibly". Well I've got my seat belt on....

I think Serena Williams should quit tennis after her pregnancy and should consider an acting career, I thought she was brilliant in the Green Mile

The women's trophy for winning Wimbledon is essentially just a plate, just to remind them what they should be doing instead of playing tennis.

I got lost walking around London today until I saw a paving stone with the word 'GO' written on it.It was then I realised I was somewhere near Old Kent Road.