Sickipedia

2018 promises to be quite a year: Changing global weather conditions giving us unprecedented extremes; facing up to the challenges that Brexit may be bringing; and coming to the mind-numbingly depressing realisation that hannah is no longer content to be buried but has now mastered the art of hacking the system to upvote his shit jokes.

For JoeyDeaconsBastard Ref the girl in the TUI ad: That’d be charming, JDB. I’ll just check with my wife first, to make sure she’s happy with such an arrangement, and get back to you. PS you’ve never upset me. I don’t know where you got that from. There’s a growing number of Sickipedians who want to go out on the piss with you. I for one, would buy all of the drinks all of the time.

I’ve heard Roger Daltrey specialises in putting fizz into his juniper-flavoured vodka. He calls the process “My Gin Aeration”. Humble apologies. Please see @Alberto contribution earlier. He started it, so blame him. :-)

Roger Daltery went on holiday, accidentally leaving his cork notice panel outside on the hottest weekend of the year. He returned to find his pin board withered.

I punched my doctor square in the face today. No cunt’s going to give me a prostate examination then, half way through, put on Barry White.

I punched my doctor square in the face today. No cunt’s going to give me a prostate examination then, half way through, put on Barry fucking White.

I tell you what... skiing’s going downhill.

An old’n, reworked: The batteries in my wife’s vibrator packed up last night, so it was sex the old-fashioned way. I’m still picking out bits of cucumber from my arse this morning.

Viz used to do a “Borderline Boiler” feature. It listed slightly tasty, slightly rough, female celebrities that readers might, conceivably, shag. Carol Vordaman always came top. Mine now, would still be her, but I’d insist on doing it from behind with her being on all fours in front of Match of the Day, me eating a takeaway pizza off her arse, with her processing my tax returns.

James Cordon comes into my restaurant regularly. He orders the same thing every time; Jerk Chicken, but he usually ends up with the slightly saltier version.