Sickipedia

I hate it when people ask me if I'm drunk or on drugs. You don't need alcohol or drugs to have fun. But yes I am, actually.

I saw a poor old lady fall and knock herself unconscious today. Well I'm assuming she was poor, she had no money in her purse.

My girlfriend broke up with me today because she say's I'm crazy. I'm starting to regret all the effort I put into protecting her from the king of the potato people.

They have the best drinking games in Africa. Like "Last one to find water dies."

I was standing beside a woman at the bus stop. "When's it due?", I asked. "I'm not pregnant, you prick!", she shouted. I replied, "I meant the bus, you fat cunt."

I've been taking Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn't make it go away or anything but it keeps the sheets off of my legs.

Black is beautiful. (Black is the name of my huge white cock)

My moods: I'm too tired for this shit. I'm too old for this shit. I'm too sober for this shit. I don't have time for this shit.

Just witnessed a video of some stupid twat snorting a condom up his nose for the condom challenge. If you want to impress me, you're going to have to do it with a dick still in it.

I walked into the bedroom to find my wife dead in bed. Looking at her lifeless corpse, I decided to pull out my cock and have one last go. Right in the middle, she opened her eyes and yelled BOO! Some people are fucking sick in the head.