Sickipedia

I walked outside to find a bird had shat on my car. In retaliation, I filled the bird bath with my piss.

One of the most important steps a sniper must take before a shot is to wait for the wind to die down You aren’t gonna make that shot if you keep farting

President Trump has just purchased a Tesla from Elon Musk and had it delivered to the White House I hope the delivery guy remembered to wear a suit and say thank you

I was sure by the behaviour of my grandad that he had one of the “ism’s” I thought it was autism, but turned out it was just plain old racism.

They say the best way to get over an addiction is to substitute it with something else So to get myself to stop smoking I’ve decided to take up heroine

All my friend does is lay in bed and sleep all day Well, I shouldn’t say it like that, he’s in a coma

Clothes tell you a lot about a person, for example: If they’re wearing a sun vest, they love the outdoors If they’re wearing a gym vest, they love to show off And if they’re wearing a suicide vest, they must be Muslim

A new vibrator has been produced and the vibrations are the highest on record! Made in Bangkok

I take my job as a lifeguard in Bangkok very seriously I don’t care if an earthquake is throwing pool water off the side of the building, the sign says NO RUNNING *blows whistle*

Whiskey barrel scam has conned victims out of their life savings Thanks to Kier Starmer slashing winter fuel allowance, pensioners have been hedging their bets on whiskey to keep them warm