Sickipedia

I asked my wife, “I’m stuck on a crossword clue—Overworked Postman— can you help me?” She said, “Sure. How many letters?” I said, “I’m guessing—too many.”

Two bees are on their way to the synagogue, the one bee looks at the other and says "make sure you've got your yarmulke... ...we don't want them thinking you're a wasp!"

All the cows at the poker table were smoking a joint You could say there were high stakes then.

I’m Writing a screenplay about a country singer stuck in a loft It’s called Johnny Cash in the attic.

I saw two blind people fighting... and I shouted, "I'm rooting for the one with the knife!" They both ran away.

Started a new job as a delivery man today When I got to my first address there was a little sticky note left on the door saying, "Dear Mr delivery man, we're out, please hide in the garage." That was eight hours ago and still nobody's found me...

A waiter approaches a table celebrating their daughters graduation... Father: Our daughter just graduated from SCU with an English degree! Waiter: That's so great! Congratulations! I actually have a Master's degree in English Literature myself. Can I get you folks started with some chips and salsa?

Two guys want to share a golf cart Pro: Sorry, because of Covid19 you can't share a cart unless you're cohabitating. Customer points to friend; Well, I'm fucking his wife.

I hate sphynx cats because I prefer hairy pussy...

I lost my dishwasher, washingmashine, dryer, iron, stove, and vacumcleaner today. Her funeral will be this saturday.