Sickipedia

Patient: so, do you think me being hard of hearing has contributed to my bird phobia? Doctor: maybe a smidgen. Patient: WHAT?!? WHERE?!?

What's Joey Barton's favourite band? Fleetwood Smack.

A woman has just done her shopping and is taking a shortcut home through the park. Suddenly a man jumps out of the bushes, opens his raincoat and exposes himself. The woman takes a deep breath, looks down at her shopping bags, slaps her palm to her forehead and says: "Fucking knew it! I forgot the shrimps!"

Old McDonald had a farm... E I E I O, and on that farm he shagged a pig... R S P C A

Chad Kroeger from Nickleback has another part in a nativity play this year. He's previously played Joseph, a shepherd and even the back of a donkey. He's never made it as a wise man...

Cabinet reshuffle news: Nicki Minaj is the new Health Secretary.

BREAKING: Will Smith's mother to move him to his Auntie and Uncle's in Bel-Air after he got in one little fight making her scared.

Get your Royal Baby name by adding together the first name of a gangster, last name of a former US President, a European dynasty and a town just outside London.

Diego Maragonner.

BREAKING NEWS: Truck loads of bleach injections seen heading towards 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC.